The Heart Wants What It Wants

And My Heart Wants Alcohol, Coffee & Dragons.

I like to mix things up! don’t you judge me with those judgey eyes! I find that my coping mechanism is broken…  of course that could just be what I’m telling myself so someone will take pity on me and invite me out for drinks. At the risk of sounding depressing (it’s too late I know just humor me) Coping sucks A** & not in a fun “Ooh that’s new!” kinda way but more like a “NOOOOOOOOO!” kinda sensation, you feel violated & helpless … and violated.

Coping with daily life for me, requires a certain type of madness that so few of us get to fully nurture and cultivate. I only wish I had developed many avenues of coping, instead of locking my madness in a cage and trying to channel it through one avenue, because now it feels monotonous, and I’m stranded with my weird thoughts, and my crazy ever running mind, and the darkness that swirls inside my being, waiting to be unleashed on the next unsuspecting Starbucks barista for not fully mixing the syrup in my White Mocha Coffee so I’m left with nothing but sugar at the bottom of my cup … That sh** is irritating as hell!!!!! ARGH! STIR… DAMN…. YOU! STIR!

lost manip2 - Copy

How Dare You Not Stir My Cup!?!? (Titled: Eviction Notice)

BTW I am well beloved at Starbucks … Beloved! -ahem- moving on… …

I love Graphic Arts! Its been my coping mechanism for over 16 years. Its grown with me as I leaned new things that made it exciting and tried new styles that made me feel like a boss. Its been challenging (it still is) and frustrating (it still is) and flipping awesome! But its not enough anymore, does that make me a traitor? (possibly a little bit) But I have so little avenues in my life to express and be me and be free and just unwind that the one avenue is stifling and that’s scary since this really is what I’ve wanted to with my life like forever.

In an effort to save our relationship I’ve turned away for a bit to see if I can really go through life without it (I can’t) but maybe a new relationship can bloom one where we can both be happy. I still love you baby I’m never letting go. Just ply me with whiskey & coffee (or bailey’s my favorite just in case anyone’s curious) is all I ask OK?

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