Balancing act

The thing about being ill, it tends to bring out the hidden parts of our personality we didn’t even knew we had. Some of us get a morbid sense of humor when faced with the reality of our fragile, limited, mortality. Some of us go through the stages of grieving, like losing a lost one. Some of us get dark & angry & twisted. … I got all three (what can I say? I’m a complex creature) 

It made balancing how to behave, in what society deems normal, a chore. Like really? Why can’t I punch the barista in the face? Hmm? My coffee has not been stirred to my flipping liking … again! Don’t you look at me like I’m crazy little barista girl I WILL CUT YOU!!! (Inner dialog… I swear I’ve only ever threatened the little barista girl like once this year honest) 🤐

It reflects in my work, & life, & a lot of my art has a decidedly dark tone to it. This piece titled Oracle, was made during my various tests I had to (& still do) undergo. It is not sexy to be a pin cushion not sexy at all. My interpretation of the waiting to discover the unknown fate of my mortality. Happy Sunday Guys 🙂

Guardian

Come at me brah. I dare you

I’m Sometimes Inspired

By the drive & focus of those around me. And even though this tag was done before I met him, it embodies so much of the many layers, that makes him a force to be reckoned with.

My friend is a private person, should he read this … welllll -metaphorically drawing up ma big girl britches-“I ain’t never scared!!”.(So everybody like shhhhh. We’ll keep it a secret) But I’m feeling … awed and felt like sharing. Titled: Guardian Happy Sunday Guys

Experienced Handling

Short post tonight guys. I’m admittedly tipsy -insert sing song voice here- I gots ma alcohol! -grin- & listening to hard core jump my bones music so there’s that. In any event, this tag was made while I was feeling particularly poetic & needy. I’m an alpha female, I have a serious thing for take charge alpha males. They really … Ah excite me.

I like a confident male who’s not intimidated by any daunting task (which includes dealing with me, the round table in my head, & the ever present madness that surfaces quite often depending on my current mood) I also as a side note happen to have a thing for older men (mmm Liam Neeson yum yum yum)

My interpretation of all that, created this titled: Experienced Handler.Happy Thursday Guys 🙂

I got you girl

Woot!

I have 12 followers! (Silence while I grin like a fool and jiggle my backside up my block like a mad woman) I’m doing the infamous booty dance that burns the eyes and disturbs the masses! In honor of two new people following my madness here’s some sexy art work one of my best pieces to date titled Mars! Happy Wednesday Guys!

sentinals

-Sigh- Titled: Mars

The Heart Wants What It Wants

And My Heart Wants Alcohol, Coffee & Dragons.

I like to mix things up! don’t you judge me with those judgey eyes! I find that my coping mechanism is broken…  of course that could just be what I’m telling myself so someone will take pity on me and invite me out for drinks. At the risk of sounding depressing (it’s too late I know just humor me) Coping sucks A** & not in a fun “Ooh that’s new!” kinda way but more like a “NOOOOOOOOO!” kinda sensation, you feel violated & helpless … and violated.

Coping with daily life for me, requires a certain type of madness that so few of us get to fully nurture and cultivate. I only wish I had developed many avenues of coping, instead of locking my madness in a cage and trying to channel it through one avenue, because now it feels monotonous, and I’m stranded with my weird thoughts, and my crazy ever running mind, and the darkness that swirls inside my being, waiting to be unleashed on the next unsuspecting Starbucks barista for not fully mixing the syrup in my White Mocha Coffee so I’m left with nothing but sugar at the bottom of my cup … That sh** is irritating as hell!!!!! ARGH! STIR… DAMN…. YOU! STIR!

lost manip2 - Copy

How Dare You Not Stir My Cup!?!? (Titled: Eviction Notice)

BTW I am well beloved at Starbucks … Beloved! -ahem- moving on… …

I love Graphic Arts! Its been my coping mechanism for over 16 years. Its grown with me as I leaned new things that made it exciting and tried new styles that made me feel like a boss. Its been challenging (it still is) and frustrating (it still is) and flipping awesome! But its not enough anymore, does that make me a traitor? (possibly a little bit) But I have so little avenues in my life to express and be me and be free and just unwind that the one avenue is stifling and that’s scary since this really is what I’ve wanted to with my life like forever.

In an effort to save our relationship I’ve turned away for a bit to see if I can really go through life without it (I can’t) but maybe a new relationship can bloom one where we can both be happy. I still love you baby I’m never letting go. Just ply me with whiskey & coffee (or bailey’s my favorite just in case anyone’s curious) is all I ask OK?

You’re Alive?!?! … I mean Hooray! So Good to See You (hehe)

 

Wow! Two years huh? I feel like I’m a newborn all over again with WordPress. So to all of my 10 (dang I got two more followers?!) amazing followers thanks for sticking with me. And let the questions begin! “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?” Um… “HOW DARE YOU ABANDON THE SWEET SEXY AWESOMENESS! THAT IS BLOGGING YOU TRAITOOOOR!” Well I can expla… “SHUT UP! WHEN WE’RE HYPOTHETICALLY BASHING YOU FOR THE ABANDONMENT!” … … … “SAY SOMETHING DAMMIT! EXPLAIN YOURSELF!” Right.

I’ve been dealing with my real life, as ridiculously harsh as it sounds. I’ve been dealing with my illness and the very slow progress I’ve been making. I’ve been misdiagnosed not once but twice in the space of a year and put through a hella amount of surgery with five  more to go not counting recuperating time and the rest of that drama that is my life. I’ve moved like two times already, which is not a fun experience… … … unless there’s a sexy, strong moving man there & he’s like only there for my amusement and I’m sipping on a mimosa & there’s a pool and my body is fab and I have a fake real boujie accent and he’s in a painfully tiny loin cloth and … ah … -cough- I suddenly lost track of what I was saying. 😐

I’ve been living and loving and losing and hurting and growing and missing (mostly I’ve been missing we’ve established that) It was easier to hide away and shut the world out than to do GFX. I haven’t done a lot with myself in this area. I’ve done the minimum required so I don’t lose the general feel of using Ps but that’s it. I’ve been depressed and had the worst thoughts (which we are hereby dubbing the madness -you’ll see me mention the madness more often-) But I’ve been supported and some of that has kicked my butt back here. But mostly The Madness did it so I suppose we should weirdly be thanking said madness for this re-entry (It won’t make sense its insanity you fools!)

If nothing else I’ll be more inclined to dust of my dusty erm parts and retake the challenge of making tags and the like again so look forward to some of that. And for what it’s worth I’ll be sharing the very little I’ve done. So something (or you know meh) to look forward to. So here’s to re-establishing the sexy awesomeness that is blogging Happy Wednesday Guys!

space princess

I’m Still Cute Though… Right?

Here I am. .. or my legs are tight right?

image

Not too fond of the suit. But them shoes though oh prrrr

A girl and her wig -grins- so for Memorial this is what I looked like. Thought I’d share. 🙂